True Feelings
by Cupcake81
Summary: Who do you turn to when life treats you bad? An old friend of Kozik comes looking for him in need for help. Rated M because of strong language and adult situations and some violence. Takes place after season 3, some features from season 4 but mostly AU.
1. Wake up Call

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Author's note: I have been doing research for a new story for some time now and had it all mapped out, but when I finally sat down with my computer and was about to start writing it a whole different story came out. I decided to follow this new idea and see where it took me. I have now written about four chapters and I thought that I should post the first chapter to see what kind of response I get. I'm saving the other story for later. The chapters are going to be short but hopefully I will be able to update more often than what I did with "Meeting with the past".

This story begins a few months after most of SAMCRO is released from prison. Forget everything you know about season 4 and 5. This story may have some features from season 4, I haven't decided yet, but mostly it will be AU.

After the guys are released from prison the club continues running guns as before, no drugs and no cartel. Kozik was patched in before the others went to prison as shown in the table read with cast of episode 13, 'NS' on the season 3 DVD. For those of you who haven't seen that, the scene that I mean takes place as the Sons are gathered by their bikes saying goodbye to Piney, Chibs, Opie and Kozik before they are going to get Jimmy O'Phelan from the Russians. For those who are interested, here comes a transcript of the conversation.

It begins with Tig asking Clay "All right, you heard from Lee yet?

"Not yet."

"Then, let's take a vote, Kozik's transfer?" Tig says.

Clay then replies "If you do this to shit on some open wounds, I'll swear to Christ I'll go to a pet store and buy a German shepherd and gut it right in front of you"

"That's a little uncalled for" Tig says.

Everyone votes 'yes' to the transfer, including Tig. Then Clay says "You couldn't have done this two weeks ago, your peckerwood?"

"I'll have my process…"

"Thank you" Kozik says.

"Whatever" Tig replies.

"What a hell of a day to be SAMCRO" Clay says.

Jax gives the prospects the letters to Gemma and Tara and explains to the prospects what he wants them to do and they all walks to their bikes.

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**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 1: The Wake Up Call**

Kozik woke up by a sharp noise. Gathering his thoughts he realized that it was the sound of the doorbell. Groaning he reached for his phone to check what time it was, he cursed when he saw the time, 9 AM. Who the hell wanted to speak to him at this time on a Saturday? This better be some kind of emergency or else he would throw the person responsible for the noise down the stairs.

His brothers from the club knew not to disturb him before noon on Saturdays, and they would have called him on the phone if he was needed at the clubhouse. Kozik couldn't think of anyone else that would voluntarily seek him out.

Holding his hands to his head he sat up in bed. The after church party last night hadn't been anything special so he had made it home to actually sleep in his own bed instead of just catching a few hours of sleep in the clubhouse. But it had still been around two thirty in the morning before he crawled in to his bed and fell asleep. And now someone had the nerves to wake him up at 9 AM! Sitting up at the edge of his bed he decided that he probably was going to be able to make it to the apartment door and scare of whoever it was ringing the doorbell even though it felt like his head was going to explode because of the hangover.

Grabbing his gun from the nightstand he pulled on a t-shirt that was on the floor next to the bed and decided that pulling on his jeans would be too much trouble and that the uninvited guest would have to deal with him in t-shirt and boxers. The only reason that he put on the t-shirt was if it was Mrs. Mayweather, his neighbor that was around a hundred years old and always asked him for help with things that she couldn't do herself. The first time she asked him for help she wanted him to move a bookshelf in her bedroom. He asked her why she had chosen to ask him for help and her answer had simply been that he looked strong enough to be able to help her. After that they had formed some sort of strange friendship. He helped her with things that she couldn't do herself and she sometimes came by with a homemade meal or cookies or something like that. The doorbell rang again and Kozik begun to slowly walk towards the door.

When he almost had reached the door whoever was on the other side decided to ring the doorbell once again and adding a knock on the door to the noise. Kozik felt like he would gladly shoot the person responsible for making that noise. If it was one of the prospects from the club he would make sure that they got the most cruel punishment he could think of, when his brain had start functioning properly again.

Almost running the last steps to the door he unlocked it and ripped it open prepared to yell at whomever that was standing there. Recognizing the person standing on the other side he went still. It was the last person in the world he would have expected to see there. They had only seen each other about three times during the last ten, no almost eleven years.

"Nice to see you too" she said. "What about moving out of the way and let me inside?"

Kozik almost couldn't believe his eyes, standing in front of him was Melinda Stanton. Shocked he took a step to the side to let her walk past him in to the apartment. His mind was rushing, well at least as much as his hangover allowed it to do so. Automatically he grabbed the cup she put in his hands as she walked past him. Without tasting it he knew that it was coffee and he also knew that it would have the right amount of sugar in it, she knew him so well.

Twelve years previous Kozik had been in the Marines and he had been deployed to Afghanistan in November that year and that was where he had met Melinda.

They had met at the military base; she was an agent working for the CIA. At first he and the other guys in his platoon had laugh when she had told them what she was doing there, but over the next months they learned that she was good at what she was doing. She could go almost everywhere to gather information, she was practically a chameleon. She could make anyone believe that she was whoever she wanted you to think she was, and she could sneak in almost everywhere unnoticed.

Melinda and Kozik had become friends over there and she had told him that the reason that she was so good at her job was that her father also was working for the CIA and that he had taught her how to do this since she was young. They soon became friends with benefits and Kozik still hoped that she never had realized that he had fell in love with her all those years ago and that was the reason to why he kept in touch with her over the years. She had quit working for the CIA about 5 years ago and as far as Kozik knew she had been working as a security consult for different companies. Last time they spoke she had told him that she now lived in Los Angeles and was working for some security company. The way that she had said "security company" had him think that this wasn't a company that was handling things like mall security. Knowing Melinda as good he did he knew that she probably was doing almost the same top secret sneaky stuff as she had done for the government, only she undoubtedly made a lot more money nowadays.

He knew that a woman as independent and smart as Melinda would never want to be with a guy like him, an ex-junkie, ex-marine and now member of an outlaw motorcycle club. He had known when they first met that she was someone that he easily could think about spending the rest of his life together with, but he hadn't told her that, she wouldn't had believed him. She would probably have thought that he was just trying to get her to stay with him the time he had left in Afghanistan.

"You can close the door now, you know."

The voice made him snap out of his trip down memory lane and back to the present and he realized that he was still standing in the doorway holding the apartment door open. Closing the door he turned to look at Melinda. She was as beautiful as ever. She was short, only about 5'5" but she had well-toned muscles and good proportions. Now she looked a little bit thinner than she had been a couple of years ago when they last met. When she took of the baseball cap that she had been wearing he could see that she had cut her dark brown hair really short. He thought that maybe she had been sick because she looked a bit pale but her eyes were as green as always and they still had that sparkle in them that had raised his interest all those years ago.

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**Please review and tell me what you think of the story! **


	2. Old Friends

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Author's note: Since the first chapter of this story was rather short I decided to post another one already, this one is a bit longer. I hope that you all enjoyed the first chapter even though I only got one review, thank you Venetiangrl92.

Thank you to those who chose to favorite and follow this story, it means a lot to me to know that you want to read more.

Please leave a review and let me know what you think is good and/or bad with this story.

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**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 2: Old Friends**

Melinda took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She couldn't really believe how easy it had been to track down the whereabouts of Herman Kozik. And now she was standing in his living room.

Someone that didn't know him as well as she did would probably been able believe that he was nothing more than a Harley loving mechanic, but she knew better. She knew how he used to tease his fellow marines and bug them until they snapped and started a brawl just because he was bored. He loved the adrenaline kick he got from a good fight.

Melinda had seen some of his uglier sides in Afghanistan and knew that he could kill someone without blinking an eye if he or a friend was threatened. But according to her knowledge he had never killed anyone without having a good reason for doing so. She also knew that he could be sweet and loving if he choose to be so and he was really loyal to his friends.

The things that happened in a war changed people and she had been afraid that Kozik wasn't going to be able to make the adjustment back to civil life when he left the Marines. She knew that he never really had any contact with his father and that his mother had died a couple of years later and Melinda was afraid that he wouldn't have anyone there to support him in the transition. When he e-mailed her and told her that he had started prospecting for a MC she was happy that he had found something to do with his life. She wasn't naïve enough to believe that they only sat around talking about Harleys and went on charity runs together. If that had been the case then why would someone have to be a prospect in the club first? Then they could have just taken anybody in. About a year later Kozik called and told her that he was now a patched member of the Sons of Anarchy and that he lived in a small town called Charming. She was glad that he had found a place to call home and a new family and hoped that he would get his happily ever after.

Since he left the Marines a little over ten years ago and about four months after returning from Afghanistan, they had only had sporadically contact, mostly by e-mail and some by phone, but they had only met three times in person. Since Skype was launched they had used video chat to at least be able to see each other. They had managed to stay good friends even when it sometimes was a long time between their contacts. It would have been easy for Melinda to use her CIA-contacts to keep tabs on what Kozik was doing during the last years, but she didn't want to snoop, Kozik would tell her what he wanted her to know. If he had found out that she was looking it his whereabouts or the club's business, he would have been angry and that would probably had been the end of their relationship. Now she was a bit out of her comfort zone walking in to a situation without proper background information, but she figured that Kozik would tell her what she needed to know if she would meet any of his friends from the club.

Looking at Kozik now Melinda thought that it was unfair how guys almost always managed to keep their good looks even when they got older. Kozik was now forty-two years old and still looked as good as he done when he was thirty. He was one of the most good-looking guys she knew, and she still wanted him. The fact that she knew that he was good in bed wasn't helping at all when it came to helping her to stay focused on the reason why she was here.

She knew that it wouldn't take that much of an effort to end up in bed with Kozik, they had always had a great time together and Kozik was always open for suggestions. He had once told her that he was happy that he had found someone that understood that in such a stressful environment as the one they was in in Afghanistan they needed to have some fun to relax. Melinda had just played along and acted like they was just friends with benefits. She had never told him that she loved him, she knew that it wasn't something that he would like to hear, and that was probably the reason that they had managed to stay friends all this years. She knew that she would always love him; she just hoped that he would realize that he loved her too, before it was too late.

Looking at Kozik now she saw that he probably had a hangover from Hell and she knew that she had come knocking on his door too early in the morning but she hadn't been able to wait any longer.

Melinda had arrived in the small town called Charming late last night. Since she really wanted to get in touch with Kozik as soon as possible she had went directly to his apartment even though it was close to midnight. After ringing the doorbell a couple of times without any reactions from inside the apartment she had been forced to realize that he wasn't home.

Melinda hadn't booked a room at any hotel before she went to Charming, and she didn't know where to find any hotel here so she just made herself comfortable in her car for the night, it wasn't going to be the first time she slept in a car and parked here in a small town called Charming was probably going to be a safe place to be. She had survived nights at places where most people didn't wanted to be even in daytime. She only hoped that Kozik would come home the next day, else she didn't know what to do. The only other lead she had on where to find him was the name and address to the place where he worked; it was a garage where he was employed as a mechanic.

Melinda knew that this garage was also the clubhouse for the Sons of Anarchy, Kozik had told her that a couple of years ago when he told her that he was moving back to Charming. When Kozik had e-mailed her to tell her that he was going to move from Charming to Tacoma a couple of years after he joined the Sons of Anarchy she immediately had understood that something had happened, he had been so happy the last time they spoke, talking about his friends. She had never gotten to hear the full story about why he left Charming but she had gotten the feeling from his e-mails that he was happy now that he was back there. When he had told her about moving back to Charming he had been so excited, apparently some guy named Tig, what kind of name was that, had agreed to let Kozik "patch in", whatever that meant, before this Tig and some other guys had went to prison. As long as Kozik was happy she wasn't going to ask any questions.

She was sure that if she showed up at this garage asking questions about Kozik she would get no answers. From what she had learned about the MC from Kozik she understood that they took care of each other, they weren't going to tell her something about Kozik when they didn't know who she was.

A couple of hours after she had parked outside Kozik's apartment building she was woken up by the sound of a motorcycle driving past her car. When she looked out she could see that the rider was Kozik and that he had parked his bike and was walking towards the apartment building. She could also see by the way that he carefully placed his steps that he had had quite a few drinks before coming home. How he had been able to keep his bike upright she didn't know.

After watching him carefully walking up the steps to the building she realized that she would have to wait until the morning before talking to him. She remembered that Kozik always got quite horny when he was drunk and trying to talk to him now meant that she wasn't going to be able to have a serious conversation with him. Not that she didn't want a good fuck and an orgasm, but she wanted to talk to Kozik first.

When she woke up in the morning she drove around Charming until she found a gas station where she could use the restroom to freshen up and change her clothes. Then she bought a coffee and sandwich for breakfast. She even bought one cup extra to give to Kozik since she knew that she was going to wake him up and that he was going to be cranky as usual before he got his first cup of coffee in the morning and she thought that he was going to be even worse today when he probably was going to have a killer hangover.

She had waited as long as he could before waking him up this morning, and even giving him a cup of coffee. Now she hoped that he was going to be coherent enough to hear her out. After all, what she was going to tell him was a matter of life and death.

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**Please review! I really would like to know what you all think about this story, both good and bad.**


	3. Reality

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Author's note: I have come to realize that there were some things missing in this story. I have changed a few things in the two previous chapters and uploaded them again. I had forgotten that you, my dear readers, don't know as much about Melinda's history as I do. I have added some smaller things in the previous chapters, but you don't have to go back and re-read them if you don't want to, you will understand the future chapters anyway.

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**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 3: Reality**

Following Melinda into his living room Kozik looks at her curiously, he was trying to find out why she was there, and why she hadn't contacted him to tell him she was on her way.

"I'm just going to get a pair of pants" he says not that he really cared if she saw him in his underwear, it was more to give him a reason to leave the room and get a chance to gather his thoughts. He was surprised to see Melinda there, they had met about three times since Afghanistan, but every time it had been arranged beforehand. Having Melinda dropping by his apartment out of the blue had made him think that she had some plan. She had never been the spontaneous type, she always planned a head. Well, she would tell him why she had come here if he just gave her some time, she always had.

"Yeah, do that. And can you please take a shower too, you smell like… I don't know… maybe cheap perfume and booze. You probably feel better too after a shower."

Yeah, he thinks, she's probably right. After the party last night at the clubhouse he must both smell and look like shit. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes. Make yourself at home." The last part he said just to tease her, she had already sat down in the sofa and was flipping through the stack of unopened mail that he had picked up from the mailbox when he got home and just dumped in a heap on the table just to get rid of it.

"I'll wait" was her only reply.

He sipped on the coffee that she had brought on his way to the bathroom. The coffee was perfect, not too sweet but still some sugar in it, just the way he wanted it. He had to admit that it had been a smart move of her to bring coffee; he was starting to feel better after drinking it. Without it he would probably had crawled back in to bed and left Melinda sitting in his living room.

Standing in the shower he started thinking on what could possibly be the reason for her to be standing outside his door this morning. Thinking about it he was becoming more and more certain that she was or had been seriously ill. He couldn't come up with any other reason for her to have cut her hair that short. As long as he had known her she had been so proud of her thick dark brown hair that was slightly wavy by nature. She was now too thin and pale.

By now he was getting really curious about all this and hurriedly finished his shower. After drying himself off he shaved and got dressed. After putting his gun into the shoulder holster he grabbed his cut and shrugged it on. Walking into the living room he found it empty, but it was easy to guess where Melinda had gone; he could smell the aroma of fresh coffee coming from the kitchen.

Walking in to the kitchen he saw her sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in front of her. She seemed to be deep in thoughts.

Kozik took a cup from the drainer and poured himself some coffee and after adding sugar to it he sat down opposite Melinda at the table. As she looked up he could see the sadness in her eyes. Something was clearly worrying her.

He reached across the table and grabbed ahold of her hand.

"What's wrong?" he said scanning her face for clues.

"Tell me what isn't wrong?" was her answer.

She put a hand up to stop him from replying to that statement.

"I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say it. I have cancer."

As he was trying to come up with something to say she continued.

"My doctors think that it is possible to remove it, but Kozik, it is in my brain. Do you understand how easy it is that something is going to be damaged during the surgery? I'm more afraid that I will wake up with a serious handicap than to not wake up at all."

Kozik couldn't find anything suitable to say, what do you say when your friend, that you just happen to secretly love, tells you that she might die? He did the only thing that came into his mind. He put his cup down and stood. After walking around the table and pulling Melinda up from her chair he sat down and yanked her down on to his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He could feel her body tremble as she cried with her face pressed against his chest and her hands fisted in his cut.

A while later she begun to move on his lap, she reached in to the pocket in her pants and pulled out a handkerchief. After using it to dab at her eyes and nose she put it away again and gave Kozik a hug.

"Thanks, I really needed that" she said. "You must still wonder why I came to see you today. I have a favor to ask of you, but I fully understand if you say no when you have heard what it's about." She took a deep breath before she continued.

"My tumor is located close to the optical nerve. The surgeon says that there is a risk that the tumor is located too close to the nerve and that they won't be able to save the nerve. In that case I will be blind when I wake up from the surgery. The swelling from the surgery can cause a temporary blindness but in that case it will be an improvement after a week or two. My father past away a few years back and this isn't something that my mother would understand… I've made a lot of enemies over the years. Partly from my work for the CIA but also later when I was working for this security company. You know that I'm not talking about security at a mall, more like security of small countries." She looked at him to see if he had understood what she was trying to explain. When he nodded that he understood she continued.

"I'm afraid that if I become blind someone will find out and come for me. I won't be able to defend myself if I'm blind and I know too much to let myself be taken alive. There are people that would torture me to find out exactly what I know. I would be living in a constant fear."

Kozik looked at her, not sure what she wanted him to do about it. After snuggling herself tighter to his chest she whispered "If I go blind from this surgery I want your help to commit suicide."

Kozik almost jumped out of the chair at her words. She quickly continued. "I just want you to drive me to a beach somewhere where I can sit for a while and feel the wind and the sun at my face and listen to the waves of the ocean. You can leave me there and I will pull the trigger myself, just promise me that you later will make an anonymous phone call to the police so that they'll find me and I can be buried at a cemetery."

When she got quiet Kozik just starred at her. He was shocked from what she had told him. She was going to die; he was going to lose her forever.

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**Please review! I really would like to know what you all think about this story, both good and bad.**


	4. Feelings

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Authors note: I want to thank those who are following this story and those who have added this story to their favorite list. I also would like to thank Venetiangrl92 for her reviews to the three previous chapters.

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**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 4: Feelings**

When Melinda turned her head to look at Kozik she could see that he was truly shocked by her revelation.

"Please say something" she begged. She really needed him to say that he was going to help her, to tell her that everything was going to be okay, even if it was a lie. She hadn't realized before how much she needed his strength and to have him to lean on.

Her mother was in denial and refused to believe anything else than that she was going to get well, Melinda couldn't get her to even discuss what to do if the surgery didn't go well. The people at the hospital were all very professional and cheerful, trying to convince her that even in the worst case scenario, as they called it, if she got blind, everything was going to be just fine. They had told her about how she could go on with her life even if she couldn't see. No one really understood how she felt, and no one had really asked her what she felt. She hoped that Kozik would be the one that did understand her feelings about this.

"I really don't know what to say" Kozik said, his voice suddenly sounded tired and sad.

"You are the only one that I trust that can help me with this" she really wanted him to understand why she had come to him with her request. He was the only one in the whole world that she trusted, the only one she wanted help from. She could feel him taking a deep breath, like he had to prepare himself for what he was to say.

"If this is what you really want, then I'm going to help you. But on one condition, if you lose your eye-sight, then I want you to try and live blind for at least a couple of months, then I will help you if you still want that then." Kozik still sounded sad, but there was a tone of steel in his voice that made her certain that she wasn't going to be able to make him change his mind. He was going to help her but at a time that he decided and not when she wanted it.

Melinda had heard him using that voice before and she knew that there was nothing she could do to make him change his mind. "I you stay with me I'll try. If I'm on my own I'll only worry about who's around me all the time and I'll never feel safe" she said. She hoped that he would say yes, she really wanted to spend some more time with him.

"You can come and live here with me while you recover after the surgery" Kozik sounded cheerier and he had a small smile on his face. "With a whole charter of an MC keeping watch over you I think that you can feel safe. Have the doctors told you how big the risk is for you to become blind?"

"At the last visit at the hospital they said there is about 55-60% chance of me seeing after the operation. They have tried shrinking the tumor with radiation and chemotherapy. It didn't work as much as they had hoped but at least it improved my chances. Before that they were almost certain that I would be blind." She tried to sound like she really believed that she would come out of the surgery alive and still seeing with her eyes.

"When are you going to have this surgery?"

"Three weeks on Monday. They wanted to give my body a chance to recover after the last round of chemo before adding more stress to it in form of a surgery." Melinda still tried to sound positive.

"What are you planning to do up until then?" Kozik sounded concerned.

"Live my life. I don't have any plans. My thought was to do whatever I felt like doing." And right now what she wanted was to spend some more time with the love of her life, Kozik, but she couldn't tell him that.

"Stay here for a while. We may not have that much time left to talk" Kozik said with a smile, giving her a hug. Melinda's heart felt like it was going to explode; he had invited her to stay with him. She really hoped that this meant that he had felt more than just being friends for her too.

"You just want to go back to the arrangement we had before, that friends with benefit thing. And I guess that you think that you are getting a housekeeper too" she said with a laugh giving him an elbow to the stomach.

"Of course, what else is there for me to gain?" he replied quickly. Melinda gave him a quick hug, thinking about how easy they had slipped back into the relationship that they had before.

Melinda took a close look at Kozik, taking in the seriousness on his face. It looked like he really wanted her to stay. She thought about it, spending what might be the last weeks of her life with the only man she ever had loved, that sounded like good plan. She would just have to make sure that her love for Kozik wasn't shining through in her actions. She knew that he didn't wanted a serious relationship, he had told her that many times over the years, and she wasn't going to make him feel bad because he couldn't return her feelings even though she soon was going to die.

"Okay, I'll stay a couple of week, but I have to go home before the surgery to make arrangements for my after-care. Even if the surgery is a success, I'll have to take it easy for some time afterwards. They are going to open up my scull, you know. I was thinking of trying to find a nurse that could live with me in my apartment for how long time is needed." She hoped that he would say that she could come back here and stay with him in that way she wouldn't have to loose time with him before the surgery on going home to make arrangement. She wanted to spend as much time as possible with Kozik.

"I'll can ask the VP:s girlfriend if she knows what kind of care you will be needing after the surgery and how to best make preparations for it."

That was a statement that she hadn't been prepared to hear from him. Melinda hoped that her face didn't show her doubts. She knew what kind of women who usually hangs around an MC. What would possible one of those women know about recovering after a brain surgery?

He must have seen her hesitation because he hurriedly continued. "She is a pediatric surgeon at the local hospital. I'll talk to her and maybe she can help you make some arrangements."

Time to make a quick decision, spending more time near Kozik during her recovery or being tended to by a stranger in her own home? That was not a difficult choice to make. "Talk to her, but don't say anything about our little worst case arrangement" she told him, secretly happy that he at least seemed to care about her a bit.

"I won't" he said and pulled her deeper into his embrace. This felt really nice; she could sit here on Kozik lap as long as he let her.

She put her head on his shoulder and felt calm for the first time in months. Whatever the future held for her she was going to be able cope with it as long as Kozik stood by her side.

**Review please!**


	5. Comfort

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Authors note: I would like to thank the three persons that reviewed the last chapter. Since I couldn't send a PM, I want to take this opportunity to thank Guest who submitted a review without being signed in. Your review is highly appreciated!

In this chapter I have tried to write something different from what I have done before. **This is the reason this story is rated M**. I don't want to say anything more than this before you have read the chapter. I'm going on a vacation to Gothenburg this weekend and won't be home until the end of next week and I won't have my laptop with me, so the next update will probably not be until after next weekend.

Now, read and enjoy!

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**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 5: Comfort**

Kozik's head was spinning, and not because of the hangover. He was going to lose her, she was his best friend and the only woman he had ever loved, and now she was dying. This was a situation he didn't really knew how to handle, the situations he usually got into often was solvable by shooting at someone or banging someone's head into a wall or something like that. In a situation like this he wasn't sure what to do.

Even though it sometimes could be month with no contact between them she had been there for him the last years. Whenever he felt the need to talk to someone he had been able to reach out to her. She had helped him from falling back into using drugs more than once. He had shared more of his thoughts and feelings with her than he ever would have done with anyone else. Now she was coming back into his life for a short period just to be taken away from him again, this time for good.

She had said that the prognosis for full recovery was pretty good, but he could hear it in her voice, she didn't really believed in it herself, she didn't thought that she was going to make it. Maybe he was being selfish, but he didn't knew how he was going to stop himself from going insane or falling back into his old drug habit without her to talk to every now and then. Even though he was certain that she would never see him as anything else then a friend, being able to talk to her now and then, made it possible for him to dream about a future together with her. Hell, he preferred the thought of her being out there happy together with someone else over her killing herself because she was afraid of living if she got blind.

The worst part was that he couldn't really blame her; he would probably do the same if he lost his eye-sight. He bowed his head and planted a kiss on her cheek; he wanted her to know that he cared what happened to her. The kiss wasn't meant to be anything else but a way to comfort her, to show her that he was there for her no matter what would happen. He didn't want to push up on her when she was this vulnerable, he might be an outlaw, but he still had some manners, he told himself. Melinda turned her head and looked up at him, smiling. He saw the invitation in her eyes and realized that they both needed this confirmation of life, and he wasn't going to say no to a chance to be with her. He made a quick decision; he was going to make this a moment to remember.

Holding Melinda around the waist he stood and with a quick motion he threw her over his shoulder. Holding her legs with one hand he used the other hand to squeeze her butt. Hearing her laugh out loud was like music to his ears. He confidently believed that they both were going to forget the harsh reality together and he knew that they both needed the escape.

When Kozik reached his bedroom he dropped Melinda down on the bed before quickly following after. Melinda reached up and hooked her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. As the kiss deepened he could feel her hands pulling on his t-shirt, trying to pull it over his head.

Ending the kiss he pulled away and took his t-shirt off, at the same time, as he sat on the edge of the bed her hands were working on unbuckling his belt. As soon as he was free from the shirt he threw it on the floor and turned his interest towards her tank top, quickly discarding it. Kozik stopped and took a moment to really look at her. She was slim with well-toned muscles, the same way as she always had been, but if you looked really close you could see that she had lost some weight and some of her strength.

He gently caressed her cheek, leaning towards her and gave her a sweet kiss. He really loved this woman and he was going to show her just how much even if he wasn't going to tell her that. The kiss soon became more desperate, and their hands were roaming over each other's bodies, finding every spot that wasn't covered with clothes.

By now they were both frantically trying to undress each other. Kozik pulled down Melinda's bra since his fingers suddenly found it too difficult unclasping the hook in the back. Once her breasts were free Kozik bowed his head and sucked one nipple in to his mouth.

Melinda grasped and grabbed the hair on the back of his head to keep him there. Suddenly it wasn't enough and they pulled apart to strip out of their last pieces of clothing.

Once they both were naked Melinda gently pushed Kozik down on his back.

"Condom?" she asked.

"Top drawer in the nightstand" Kozik replied as he took in the beautiful body of the woman sitting on top of him.

As she got a hold of one she ripped open the wrapper. Gently stroking his penis she leaned down and used her mouth to put the condom on him. Kozik felt like he was going to come right there and then.

Sitting back up Melinda slowly impaled herself onto his cock. Once he was as deep inside her as possible she stilled and took a deep breath. That made her breast move in a way that made it hard for Kozik to resist touching them. As he lifted both his and squeezed her breasts it was like suddenly the feeling of him being inside her wasn't enough, he grabbed her hips and gently helped her moving up and down on his cock.

When he started to move inside her Melinda took over and started to ride him, Kozik felt like he was in heaven. Remembering what Melinda liked he started to gently stroke her clit using one of his fingers.

Kozik grabbed her neck with his free hand to get her to bend down so he could kiss her. After a while he felt her starting to contract around him and that was it. Quickly turning them around so that he was on top, he started to pound deep inside her. He could fell how the orgasm suddenly rippled through her and she screamed his name. That did it for Kozik and he came hard while kissing her on her mouth.

Afterwards they lay together trying to catch their breaths. Kozik pulled away long enough to throw away the used condom. Laying down again he pulled the comforter over them.

"This was as good as it always was", Melinda said. "Thanks, I really needed that."

Kozik closed his eyes, here he thought that she had some feelings for him as she came here to see him, and now it seemed like they were back to the same casual relationship as before. She had only come to him because she needed help and she knew that he wasn't going to say no to her.

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Author's note: I hope that this chapter wasn't too bad. This was my first try to write a something like this. Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter.


	6. Well rested

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Author's note: Hi! I'm home again and here is the next chapter a bit earlier then I thought but this story almost writes itself.

I would like to thank everyone that has chosen to follow and/or favorite this story, it means a lot to me.

* * *

**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 6: Well rested**

Melinda snuggled closer to Kozik as they lay beside each other in his bed. Hopefully she hadn't revealed too much of her true feelings for him. She didn't want him to know that she love him, if he knew maybe he would be scared that she was expecting something from him. Maybe he would want her to leave. She liked being this close to Kozik and didn't want to do anything to make him change his mind regarding his offer to stay here until the surgery and even after, when she was recovering.

The fact that they had ended up in bed this soon after her coming here, was a bonus. She had known that it would happen sooner or later, it always did, but when she had put the condom on to him she had had a moment of doubt. She hadn't been with anyone since before her diagnose. What if it would hurt, the chemo had affected her skin and membranes in her nose and mouth, and it probably had made some changes in the mucous in her vagina too. What if she wouldn't be able to take him in? What if it hurt, what would she do then? She wanted this; she wasn't going to say to Kozik that she maybe couldn't do it.

Then she had stopped thinking, this was Kozik, he was hers again and nothing was going to stop her from being together with him again. This was going to be fantastic. And she had been right, it had been fantastic. She didn't think that there was anyone else in the world that knew her as well as he did and he always used that knowledge to make her go wild. He knew exactly what to do to make her scream, and he loved it when she did, he had told her that, years before.

They really had a strange relationship. They spoke on the phone or by Skype sometimes, but more often they used e-mail and they had only met in person maybe three times during the last eleven years, but when they met they just picked up where they last left of. Melinda really hoped that Kozik felt something for her, that he didn't just see her as an easy lay. They always ended up in bed when they got together, but they spoke too, it had to count for something, right?

Thinking back to how he had picked her up and put her on his lap when she told him about her cancer, she believed that maybe he felt something about her. The way he had held her had made her feel safe; it had been the way that you held someone you cared about. Maybe he thought about as a younger sister he had to take care of? Scratch that! That thought made what they just done feel dirty, and that was as far away from the feelings she had as possible. Being with Kozik felt right, this was where she was supposed to be. Maybe he just enjoyed their friendship, but that was okay with her. As long as she could be close to him she didn't really cared what kind of feelings he had towards her, soon it wouldn't matter to her anyway. She just wanted to be happy the time she had left, and more than anything she wanted Kozik to be happy, she didn't want to leave him with feelings of guilt because he was unable to return her feelings.

Looking over at Kozik she saw that he seemed to be completely relaxed where he lay next to her on his back with one arm over his eyes and the other on his stomach. She couldn't help admire his well-toned muscles. The feeling of his strong body touching hers was amazing, ever since the first time they were together it had been as a drug for her, she could never get enough of him.

Without opening his eyes or even moving he suddenly says "Stop thinking so damn much. I'm tired and want to sleep."

"Who is stopping you?"

"You are. I can feel you moving around when you are thinking!" With that he put one arm around her and pulls at her until her back was against his chest until they were spooning. Feeling safe and relaxed Melinda stops fighting sleep and feels how she slowly drifts off to sleep.

Later she was suddenly jolted awake by the ringing of a mobile phone. Kozik quickly moves to answer it. Looking over at the nightstand she saw an alarm clock. As she saw the time she had a hard time believing that they had only had been asleep for a couple of hours, she felt like she had slept a whole night, she was completely well-rested.

Beside her she saw that Kozik had finished his conversation with whoever was on the other end of the line and was getting out of the bed.

"Are you going somewhere?" she asked.

"Yes, something has happened and I have to go to the club for a bit. You can stay here and I'll be back as soon as possible."

She watched as he got dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and a t-shirt. He then pulled on a hoodie. He went out in to the kitchen and when he returned only a minute later he handed Melinda a key.

"I think it's best if you take this" he said. "I don't think that there is much to eat in the kitchen, so you probably want to go out to grab something to eat."

She took the key from him and put it on top of the nightstand. Kozik grabbed his cut and put it on. As she watched he took a gun from his dresser and put it in a shoulder-holster he was wearing under the cut. Melinda was surprised when he approached the bed and bent down and kissed her. The kiss was rapidly escalating into something more when he suddenly pulled away.

"I really need to get going. Keep that thought and we continue this later when I get back here."

With that remark he gets up from the bed and quickly walks out of the apartment, only stopping briefly in the hallway to pick up his helmet and his keys.

When Melinda hears the door close behind him she lets out a breath she didn't realized that she has been holding and lay back on the bed, thinking that maybe everything is going to be okay.

She didn't know what the future would hold for her, but even if she got blind, spending the last couple of weeks of her life living with the love of her life was going to be a good thing.

**Please review!**


	7. Asking for Help

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Author's note: I just want to say thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter. Your reviews are greatly appreciated; I love to hear what you think about this story.

I'm sorry about the late update but I had to make sure that this chapter fitted in to what I had planned for future chapters. Next chapter will probably be up next week.

* * *

**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 7: Asking for help**

When Kozik walked out of his apartment he was glad that it would take him about ten- fifteen minutes to get to the clubhouse. He was going to need them to collect himself after the bewildering morning he had. He was even glad to get away from Melinda for a while or else he might have revealed too much about his feelings for her.

The offer he made to Melinda about staying with him had surprised him too, but the second that she said yes it felt right. She really was the love of his life, and he wanted to spend as much time as possible with her if she was going to die.

He didn't know what to say to his brothers in the club about Melinda, or if he was going to say anything at all. He needed to tell Jax since he wanted him to talk to Tara, but how much should he tell the others?

Kozik decided not to think about that right now, first he was going to help the club figure out what idiot that was behind this wave of home invasions that had happened in this town. Who were stupid enough to do something like that in Charming? Didn't they know that in this town it wasn't just the cops you had to watch out for; the SONs were protecting Charming too.

SAMCRO had taken upon them to protect Charming, to make this town a safe place to live in, and now someone were robbing and hurting innocent people, that had to stop. The call he had gotten was from Juice who wanted to inform him that there had been another break-in, this time it had happened at night when the family had been at home. The two grown-ups and their teenage son had been tied up in their bedrooms while the robbers searched the house.

As he approached the TM lot he had decided what to do. If there wasn't anything that he had to deal with after the meeting he was going to talk to Jax. Telling him that Melinda was a friend and letting him know that she was ill and wanted to talk to Tara about what to expect after the surgery.

Tig wasn't going to get to know anything about Melinda if it wasn't necessary. Even though Tig had let him patch back in before he went into prison a couple of years back, Kozik still didn't trust him completely. Tig was unpredictable, Kozik was afraid that he would see Melinda as a way to get back on Kozik, and the last thing Melinda needed right now was Tig adding on stress. Not that Kozik doubted that Melinda could handle him; Kozik had seen Melinda getting hit on by men like Tig before. Often it ended with her being friends with them.

Kozik was one of the first to arrive to the clubhouse. He went to the bar and grabbed a beer. As he sat there drinking his beer his brothers dropped in one after another. Everyone looked surprised that Kozik was already there, he wasn't usually at the clubhouse this early the day after a party. The reaction didn't surprised Kozik; he was the first to admit that he usually never got up before noon the day after a party at the clubhouse.

When Jax arrived Kozik walked up to him and said "Can we talk after Church?"

Jax looks at him, a little surprised by the request, but nods. "Of course, anything wrong?"

"No, but I'll explain later. I just need to ask you something."

"Okay, we'll talk later." With that Jax drops his phone in the box outside the Chapel and walks inside. Clay is already at his seat at the table and everyone else follows Jax inside. Tig closes the doors and everyone takes their seats.

Clay bangs the gavel to signal the beginning of the meeting and asks Juice to tell them what he had found out.

"I heard from a contact that works for the Sheriff's department that there was another break in last night" Juice says. Then he continues to tell them what he had learned about the home invasions. This time the three family members had seen the intruders and even though they had worn mask the sheriff had gotten a description. It had been three men one of them had seemed to be the leader and had been giving orders to the other two.

All of the intruders where rather tall and fit. They had acted with precision that made it seem like they had trained together a long time. The Sheriff had come to the conclusion that this fact together made it likely that they were former militaries.

Usually the club would have stayed out of police business, but since the sheriff hadn't made any progress in solving these crimes and SAMCRO wanted to keep Charming safe.

They had voted on the matter and had all agreed that this was a chance for SAMCRO to show the town and Lt. Roosevelt that SAMCRO really wanted to keep Charming safe and free from crime.

They were all throwing theories back and forth. Since many of the members had some experience from the military they all agreed that the police's theory that the robbers were former militaries were probably true.

Juice also suggested that the robbers were staying somewhere local since they must be doing some surveillance to know which homes to break in to. The robbers had so far only chosen homes were there were valuables to steal.

If the thieves were staying somewhere outside Charming and were driving back and forth to here to check out houses someone would have seen their car and got suspicious everything pointed at that they were staying local and did their surveillance on foot.

Everyone in the club had done some surveillance now and then and they knew that what Juice said were probably true. Sitting in a car on a street and watch a house wasn't a good thing, often there were some neighbor that became suspicious and called the cops if you sat there long enough.

After discussing theories about the robberies and deciding on how to proceed with their investigation they had all agreed on a course of action that they thought would be successful. They had no other club business to discuss so a short time later they ended the meeting.

While the other filed out in to the mail room Jax motioned to Kozik to stay behind in the chapel. Jax had probably figured out whatever Kozik wanted to discuss it was something that he didn't wanted to share with everyone else.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" Jax said closing the door after the last of their brother had left the chapel.

Kozik tried to figure out what to say. How could he explain the complex relationship between Melinda and himself?

"I have a friend that needs to talk to Tara" Kozik begins. He really hopes that he will succeed in explaining to Jax the importance of a meeting between Tara and Melinda. He really wants Melinda to be able to arrange her care for after surgery from here, and he hopes that she would be able to return here to stay after the surgery.

**Please review!**


	8. Plans

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Author's note: Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, it depends on the weather; I tend to write more if it is raining outside and now it was weeks ago since it was raining the last time.

**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 8: Plans**

After Kozik left the apartment Melinda had tried to get some more sleep, but after tossing and turning for a while she gave up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. She was happy to find that the bathroom was rather clean. Looking at the towels she decided that they also were clean enough for her to use. She knew that Kozik always had been pretty good at keeping his place spotless and she had stayed in far more filthy places in her work. As long as there was hot water coming out the tap as she turns it on she was happy. And she couldn't see any reason to why she couldn't use the same towels as Kozik, they had shared before.

Melinda thinks back to how Kozik had cleaned her apartment last time they met, even though he was to only going to stay there about a week he still thought that it was too messy for him to sleep in it. It wasn't even her fault that it wasn't clean, she had only been home about two days before he came there and before that she hadn't been home for almost a month. A month was a long time for the dust to take over the place.

After the shower Melinda looks at the clothes she wore yesterday and decides to take one of Kozik's T-shirts instead. She is curious about what kind of clothes Kozik wears now a days and she decides to search through his drawers and closets. She quickly figures out that he mostly goes for comfortable clothes as most of what she finds is different hoodies and sweaters and baggy jeans and some cargo pants. She also finds two leather jackets. In his drawers she finds T-shirts, mostly black and whites and gray, but also some navy ones.

She finds a plain black T-shirt and she puts on her own underwear and black slim jeans and then she pulls his T-shirt over her head. Checking her appearance in the mirror hanging on the wall in the bedroom Melinda decides that it had to do. She put on some mascara and combs through her hair with her fingers. She really miss her long thick hair, but when it started to fall off due to the chemo she had decided that it was better if she cut it short to not make it obvious that it became less thick.

Since the chemotherapy she had gotten wasn't of the strongest type, her hair hadn't fallen off completely, but it still had become a lot less thick than it had been before. And now when her body was recovering from the treatment she could see that her hair was on its way growing back. She knew that her hair still showed signs of that there were something wrong with her but she still thought that it looked quite okay.

She then decides that this would be a good time to go out to her car and bring in the suitcase and bag she had brought with her to Charming. After all, Kozik had told her that she was welcome to stay, and now she was going to make herself at home in his apartment. It wasn't like she had a lot to bring in she had only packed one suitcase and one bag with clothes, if she was going to stay in Charming she would have to go shopping. Or if she got it as she wanted, she wasn't going to need that much clothes. Well maybe she would need some, Kozik probably was going to need to work now and then and it wasn't as fun to be naked alone. She wondered if there were any good shops with women's clothing in this town. Well, she thought, that was going to be easy to find out, since Charming wasn't a big city, all she had to do was find downtown Charming and then look around to see what she could find.

Once she had brought her bags in to the apartment she puts them in the bedroom and reminds herself to ask Kozik later if it is okay if she uses some space in his closet, some of her clothes would look better when she wore them if they hadn't been folded in her bag all the time. She was going to ask him about it after dinner tonight.

Melinda strolls into the kitchen to investigate what kind of food Kozik has there. The search reveals nothing edible more than a loaf of bread and some butter and cheese. Melinda then realizes that Kozik hasn't become a better cook over the years. She needs to go looking for a store and buy some food if they were going to have anything to eat for dinner once Kozik returned home.

She knew that Kozik wasn't that bad at cooking but she also knew that he didn't like cooking only to himself and that he probably lived mostly on take-out and frozen pizza. Opening the freezer she sees that she was right, he had at least ten packages of pizza and other frozen food in there.

She also knew that Kozik liked to eat home cooked food, probably since he had to become tired of take-out food sometimes. If she only could find a store that sold the right ingredients she was going to cook Swedish meatballs with potatoes and gravy for him. Melinda's grandmother on her mother's side had been born in Sweden and had moved to the US when she met Melinda's grandfather.

As Melinda grew up she learned to cook from her grandmother and many of those dishes were Swedish. Melinda really liked being in the kitchen, she loved to cook for her friends and she also enjoyed baking. Her friend often made jokes about how it was possible that she wasn't fat as a whale as much food as she ate. What could she say, she liked to eat and luckily she was blessed with a great metabolism. She never gained too much weight no matter what she ate.

Once, about eleven years ago, when Kozik had been on leave from the Marines Melinda had met up with him in Germany in a small apartment which she was renting there. She had made meatballs as her grandmother had taught her then and Kozik had absolutely loved them.

Now she was going to make those meatballs for him again. After quickly writing down a list of things she needed to buy she gathered her purse and phone. Picking up the apartment key that Kozik gave her and her car keys she walks out of the apartment. She hopes that she was going to be able to find a store that has all the ingredients that she needs. After locking the door she walks down the stairs to her car. Now she was going to fill Kozik's kitchen with real food, not only that frozen things that he had before.

Luckily for her the town was small and after a short drive she finds downtown Charming. She parks her car and decides to walk around for a while to see what shops and boutiques there is in this town. She really looked forward to do some exploring in this town.

Author's note: This chapter may seem a little bit short but I had to end it where I did because the next chapter from Melinda's point of view had to stand alone.


	9. Help from Jax?

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Author's note: Sorry about the delay in updates. I have the next chapter almost finished so it shouldn't really take that long for me to finish it. Maybe I'll post a new chapter this weekend or more likely, in the beginning of next week.

**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 9: Help from Jax?**

Kozik looked at Jax, seeing that he was clearly surprised by Kozik's admission that he had a friend that the club didn't know about. Jax also looked curious and a bit worried about what Tara could do for that friend. He quickly continues with his explanation.

"An old friend of mine paid me a visit this morning." Then Kozik continues to tell Jax about Melinda and her cancer and her upcoming surgery. He also told him that Melinda had some enemies that might come looking for her if they knew that she was weak after the surgery or if she had become blind. He ended his explanation by saying that he thought that maybe Tara would be able to help her arranging the after-care here in Charming.

Kozik really hoped that Jax would agree to help; if he didn't maybe Melinda would think that it was too much trouble making arrangements to stay in Charming. And to be honest, there were no chance that he would be able to stay with her wherever she lived these days. They had too much going on with the club for him to be able to leave town right now.

If Melinda didn't stay in Charming chances were that Kozik wouldn't care if he let the club down and go with her anyway. Letting the club down wasn't a smart move, as the SAA in Tacoma he had handled out punishment to a couple of brothers that had left the club without the blessing of the charter and he had heard what Tig had done to that coward Kyle Hobart when he returned to Charming.

He knew that Hobart had had his reaper tattoo on his back when he returned even though he was supposed to have had it blacked out but Tig would probably enjoy punishing him if it came to that and think of something equally cruel to do to him, he thought. Suddenly he was pulled out of his thoughts when Jax spoke.

"I'll talk to Tara, and explain the situation to her" Jax said. "Maybe she can swing by your place and talk to your friend, was her name Melinda?"

"Yes it is. And thanks, I mean… she is really worried and I don't know how to help her. I just thought that maybe Tara could help her, make her worry a bit less about the future."

"Hey, I would probably have done the same if I was in your position."

After telling Jax the truth about Melinda's condition Kozik felt relieved. He knew that Jax would help Melinda if anything ever happened to him now that he knew about her, and Melinda would need help after the surgery, even if her eyes would work perfectly she would be weak and not able to care for herself while healing.

Before they leave the chapel Kozik pulls Jax in for a manly hug and gives him a pat on the back to show him how much he appreciate the help he was getting. He hoped that Jax got just how much this meant for him because he really didn't know how put words to the feeling without sounding totally gay.

"I haven't forgotten how much you did to try to save Tara from Salazar when we were in Ireland" Jax says. "Helping you now is a way for me to pay you back and I'm sure that Tara will see it like that too."

They both walks out of the chapel and many of their brothers gives them curious looks, wanting to know what they had talked about, but no one asks and Kozik wasn't going to tell anyone else about his houseguest just yet.

Kozik quickly retrieves his phone from the box were they all had put their phones in before going in to church earlier. He checks the phone to see if Melinda has phoned him, but she hasn't. After checking the time on his phone he decides to go home to see how Melinda has it. He wonders if she still is at the apartment. Since she always has been curious about visiting new places and likes to explore them he doubts that she has stayed in the apartment while he has been at the clubhouse. He just hopes that she has slept some because it had looked like she needed it.

As he makes his way towards the door he manages to dodge every approach from his brothers and the crow eaters. Just because he wants to hurry back home it seems like everyone is trying to stop him on his way out of the clubhouse.

He had almost managed to reach the door when someone puts a hand on his arm from behind to stop him. He turns around, ready to tell whoever it was to let go of him. When he sees that it is Gemma who stopped him he swallows the angry words he was about to deliver and looks at her, wondering what she could have to say to him.

"Are you going somewhere" she says.

That was not a question he was prepared of, and he really doesn't know how to answer it.

"Uh… I kind of… I was going home, I need some more sleep" was the only answer he was able to deliver. Even in to him it sounded like a lie, but he couldn't figure out a better answer since he didn't wanted Gemma, or anyone else in the club except Jax, to know about Melinda.

"Make sure that you are at mine and Clay's house tomorrow. Dinner are at six, don't be late." Gemma says the last part with emphasis, she really hates when people is late for her dinners.

"Okay, I'll be there. Now I really need to go home, see you tomorrow." With that he hurries out of the clubhouse and over to his bike. Not daring to even once glancing over his shoulder to where he just left the Queen of the clubhouse, Gemma, standing. He knew that she probably was on her way over to Jax to see if he knew what just happened.

Kozik had never before been that rude to Gemma, usually he was open and joked around with everybody but now he didn't had the time. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with Melinda; he had to start making happy memories to remember if her surgery wasn't going to go well.

He wasn't sure what to expect to find in his apartment when he got home. Even though Melinda had been tired when he left she had probably went out to buy some food. He knew that Melinda preferred making her own food over buying takeout from some restaurant.

Kozik also knew that Melinda never slept well the first nights at some new place, it was like some part of her brain couldn't relax, and that she had to be ready if something would happen. After a couple of nights she usually settled down but now she needed to rest and he thought that if he was there maybe she would be able to sleep.

**Review please!**


	10. Am I going crazy?

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

**Warning/ Disclaimer 2:**I know nothing about terrorists and what I write in this chapter is gathered from news articles in papers and movies (and we all know how true those are, lol ) and from my imagination. I have no knowledge of what is true or not. I don't want to say that there are some people more likely to be terrorists than others with this chapter, what I write in this chapter is only how MELINDA reasons. If you easily get offended by how terrorists often are pictured in movies, please stop read now. If something sounds a bit harsh it's probably because English isn't my first language and I have to look some words up in a dictionary and aren't always sure if I choose the right word.

Author's note: I know I promised you all to post this chapter sooner, but I was really worried about some aspects of this chapter and therefor wanted to read through it more times than usual. Hopefully you have read the Warning/Disclaimer 2 and are well aware that some people might get offended by this chapter.

I fully understand if you choose to not continue reading this chapter. If you don't want to read it but wants a summary of what happens in this chapter, please send me a PM and I can do a summary without those parts that can be disturbing and send it to you.

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**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 10: Am I going crazy?**

After leaving her car at a parking lot in downtown Charming, Melinda had walked around the center of the town and she had to admit that this was a nice town. There were no honking car horns, the air was clean and not filled with exhaust from cars as in many bigger towns and the people seemed to be friendly as well.

She had found a couple of nice boutiques and she had actually bought some new clothes. Now she was on her way back to the car to put her bags in the trunk before looking for a store to buy food in. She had already seen a store that looked kind of promising. She was going back to check if she could find everything she needed there.

As she was rounding a corner of a building and coming up on Main Street she sees something in the corner of her eyes that makes her turn and take a closer look. First she isn't even sure of what it was that had caught her attention, a second later she sees a man getting into a car.

She didn't know what it was with that man that made her look again, first she only got a quick look at his profile and then mostly his back as he got in to the car but it had been something, maybe not familiar but… something about him made her look at him again. She cursed silently, if she hadn't been pre-occupied with wondering if she would find what she needed in that little store to make dinner tonight, she might had seen more of that man, maybe enough to understand why she had spotted him in the first place.

The man was kind of muscular and maybe about Kozik's height. He had no distinctive features as far as she could see. His hair was cut short, really short in a way that made her think about militaries. That made her ponder on the thought that maybe he once might have been in the military.

The car was grey and not old, but not the latest model either, it was a sedan. There had been nothing special about neither the car nor the man but she was certain that it was him that had caught her eyes when she first came around the corner.

She tried to come up with a reason for someone she knew to be in Charming. There was none, she hadn't even heard about the town before Kozik moved here. She briefly thought about all known terrorists that she had memorized the looks of, and then she laughs at herself, yeah, a known terrorist was very likely to hide out in Charming, California.

The man had looked American, most of the terrorists and persons of interests she had memorized were from the Middle Eastern, Afghanistan, and Pakistan and from those areas of the world, because those were the areas she had been working in. In fact, she wasn't sure that it was the list of known terrorists she recognized him from. Maybe it was from FBI's list of most wanted criminals, which would make more sense. It might be someone here to talk business with the club. She should ask Kozik if they have some business associates in town. Or maybe it was someone that had followed her to Charming, maybe one of her enemies had found out that she was sick and had sent someone here to spy on her, maybe even kill her. She put her hand down in her bag, just to be certain that her gun was still there.

She was clearly getting paranoid being here, away from her work, and now her mind was trying to find a mystery where none existed. Or… maybe the chemotherapy or the other medications were making her brain go crazy. Her thoughts were clearly crazy; there were no criminals in Charming. Or wait a minute, there was a whole club of criminals in Charming, but they kept every other criminal out of there.

Maybe she was right that the man was a former military, and that he was someone she had met while she still was working for the government? If he was sent here to kill her he would have had the chance last night when she was sleeping in her car.

If she told Kozik about this he was going to laugh his ass off. Melinda didn't know what to do. If she didn't told him about this man that she thought she recognize she was going to wonder about who he was forever. And if she did told Kozik about him, she was never going to hear the end of it. Terrorists in Charming, the bare thought of it felt ridiculous.

Quickly she grabs her phone and snaps a photo of the car and one zooming in on the license plate as the car drives of the parking lot. She even manages to get a photo of the driver even if it only shows his profile. Thinking that she could show them to Kozik sometime just to prove to herself that this was a totally innocent man she had thought being a terrorist or something, she puts the phone down in her purse again and continue looking for a shop to do her grocery shopping in.

When Melinda finds a store that looks to have everything she needs she enters and quickly gathers some things to eat for lunch and some things to be able to make breakfast to Kozik and her in the morning. Then she starts gathering the things she needs to make dinner. She gets lucky and the store has everything she needs.

She starts to feel a bit tired and she considers that she may have over done herself today. After paying for her supplies she puts the bags of food in the trunk of her car and drives back to Kozik's apartment.

After eating a sandwich as lunch she decides to take a nap and takes of her pants before lying down at the bed and pulling a soft blanket over her. It really felt good, she was tired and this was what she needed. Melinda quickly drifts of to sleep.

Later that afternoon she is woken up by Kozik slipping under the blanket next to her. As she tries to turn towards him, he pulls her close and whispers "Sleep, honey. I think you need it and I'll still be here when you wake up."

As she really feels tired she relaxes in to his embrace and feels the heat from his body seeping in to her as she drifts of back into sleep again. Her last thought before she falls into sleep again was that she really needed to tell Kozik about what she saw earlier that day and that he hopefully would know who she was describing. After all, Charming was a small town and everyone probably knew who everyone else was. And she needed proof that she wasn't losing her mind.

**Don't forget to leave a review!**


	11. Keeping Secrets

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that you recognize from Sons of Anarchy, or any other thing or person you recognize. I do not profit from this story. This story is a product of my imagination and nothing in it should be taken as a fact. The story is written as entertainment and nothing else.**

Author's note: I know, I'm terrible at keeping deadlines. I promised some of you that this chapter would have been up last week and I thought that this chapter was ready, but when I re-read it during the weekend I found some things that needed to be developed.

I know how I want this story to end, and I know what has to happen on the way to the end, but I'm not really sure about how to connect the dots in this story so the updates may be a bit slower than it has been sometimes. But don't worry, I will continue writing on this story and I plan to finish it as soon as possible. I think that this story is going to be somewhere around twenty chapters in total.

However, more reviews are always wanted so I know what you all think of this story. I want to know everything, both good and bad. If you don't want to write it in a review, please send me a PM, I always answer them and I try to get back to everyone who reviews my stories too.

To this chapter there is a song that fits Kozik's mood real well, **_Anywhere is paradise _**performed by** Stefan Andersson.** The song is old, the single was released in 1996, but you can find it on YouTube if you like to like to listen to it. I have played it on repeat while writing this chapter. Enough with my long-winded author's note, here comes the next chapter.

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**True Feelings**

Written by Cupcake81

**Chapter 11: Keeping secrets**

When Kozik returns home and find Melinda sleeping in his bed he gets an urge that he can't resist, he takes his cut and his shoes of and slides on to the bed beside her. When she shifts in bed he understands that he has disturbed her sleep and she is awake. He then slides his arms around her and pulls her close. It feels really nice lying there in bed beside her and with his arms around her. They will have time to talk later; right now he just wants to lie there with her in his arms.

He whispers softly in her ear "Sleep honey, you need it and I'll be here later too." She settles back into his embrace and the fact that it soon might not be a 'later' for the two of them is something that doesn't seem to register to her in the half asleep state she's in. Kozik doesn't want to think about that possibility, he just wants to savior every minute he gets with her. Right now he chooses to ignore the possibility that she might die in the near future.

An hour or so later he is awakened by Melinda climbing out of the bed. "Where do you think you are going?" he asks holding her captive with a hand around her wrist.

"I thought that I should make dinner for you" she answers and tugs on his hand until he lets go of her. She walks towards the kitchen as she continues "I'm making you Swedish meatballs with potatoes and gravy and lingonberry jam.

Just the thought of that meal that Melinda described made Kozik's stomach growl. He hadn't eaten a meal that didn't come from a can or had been bought frozen since the last time Gemma had cooked for the club.

"Are you sure that you are up for it?" he asked. He really wanted those meatballs, but he didn't want Melinda to overdo herself.

"Of course I can do it." Melinda sounded like she was offended by the mere thought that she couldn't manage to cook a meal. "I have slept the whole afternoon."

When Melinda walked towards the kitchen Kozik noticed that she was wearing one of his t-shirts, he thought that it looked good on her. Apparently she had felt like she could look around in his drawers to find something to wear. It looked like she belonged there, in his apartment and Kozik liked that feeling. It was almost like he could pretend that she lived there, that she wasn't just staying there because she wasn't sure of where else to go.

Kozik got out of bed and pulled on his boxers and followed her to the kitchen. "Give me the potatoes, I'll peel them for you" he said.

Melinda turns around and hands him a bag of potatoes and a peeler, she had expected him to volunteer to help; he had always helped out when she had cooked for him before.

They continued to prepare the dinner together in comfortable silence, only talking when needed.

The food that Melinda served at the table a bit later was delicious. Kozik helped himself to three servings before he leaned back on his chair and said to Melinda he was satisfied.

"This was great, I really mean it."

She looked at him with laughter in her eyes and with just a tiny bit of irony in her voice she said "Are you sure? I thought that you eat all of that food just so you wouldn't hurt my feelings."

"Very funny. Go and sit in the living room, watch some TV, relax. I'm just going to sit here for a minute and enjoy this feeling, then I will clean up all this mess" he said.

"I think I'll do that, I'm a bit tired."

With that Melinda turned and walked out of the kitchen and she didn't see the look Kozik gave her behind her back. This felt nice he thought; having Melinda living in his apartment was something he could get used to very fast.

He wished that it could stay this way; he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Melinda. He was afraid to tell her about his feelings, if she didn't felt the same then he didn't want to add complications to what could be the last weeks of her life. He would have to make do with being near her and go back to the easy friendship with some benefits as they had before.

He hurriedly washed the plates and pots and everything else that they had managed to mess up cooking their meal. Then he went into the living room where he found Melinda in the sofa watching a movie on the TV.

Kozik sat down beside Melinda and she put her head on his shoulder so he put his arm around her. It felt really nice sitting here like this with her.

They sat there watching the movie for a while. Melinda was leaning into Kozik as he was propped up against the armrest. Suddenly a loud signal sounds from Kozik's phone that is sitting on the coffee table.

"Can you give me the phone, Mellie" he says to Melinda, knowing that she hate it when someone calls her that, but he feels a bit playful and knows that she will try to get back on him later on.

She hands him the phone and he looks at the caller id, it is Juice. He wonders what could have happened to have the club calling at this time in the evening. Flipping up the phone he answers it.

"What?"

After hearing Juice's explanation of the reason for calling him he nudges Melinda away from him and stands up. As he doesn't want Melinda to hear this conversation he walks away from her and into the kitchen.

After ending the call he stays in the kitchen trying to figure out how much to tell Melinda about this call. Juice had informed him that Clay had gotten a call from one of their "friendly" cops in Lodi about a man who had escaped from custardy earlier that evening. It was a man who had been convicted for several rapes earlier and he was now the suspect in three more cases of rape and two cases of assault since the would-be victims had gotten away before he could rape them. All his victims had been young and two of them no more than eighteen.

Clay had told Tig and Juice to call all members of the club to be on the lookout for this man. Kozik knew from earlier that Clay disliked people who abused kids and women in general and he understood why he spread the word about this man amongst the club members. This was going to be a manhunt, for this man's safety you could only hope that he would have the sense to stay as far away from Charming as possible.

Kozik knew that he couldn't stay hiding in the kitchen the rest of the evening. Thinking over the information that Juice had given him he decides to not tell Melinda anything about this rapist on the run because first of all his victims had all been younger than her and secondly Kozik didn't want Melinda to worry about a man that probably was long gone by now, it had been three hours since he escaped and surely he wasn't stupid enough to stay in the area with all the cops looking for him. And last but not least Melinda knew how to defend herself and Kozik knew that she never went anywhere without her gun in her bag.

Reaching the end of his argument with himself Kozik makes the decision to not tell Melinda anything about this man; she had enough to worry about anyway. Kozik walks back out into the living room, during his absence Melinda has put her legs up in the sofa and Kozik lifts them up and sits down in the sofa and puts her legs in his knee. Briefly his thoughts goes to his brothers, who probably still was in the clubhouse, partying. Any other weekend night he would have been there, probably with at least a couple of Crow eaters hanging on him at this time of the evening and if he hadn't gotten a blowjob already the evening would almost certainly had ended with him getting at least a blowjob but probably more than that from whatever woman in the club house he wanted. It was almost sad how much those Crow eaters were prepared to do just because you wear a patch and looked their way.

Strangely he didn't miss that at all today, he was happy sitting in the sofa in his own home stomach full of tasty food, and the only woman he had ever loved resting beside him. He didn't know if they would do anything else then sleeping when they went to bed, but spending the night with Melinda sleeping in his arms sounded like a really nice way to end this evening.

**Authors note****:** What do you think about Kozik choosing not to tell Melinda about the fugitive? Was it the right choice? Poor Kozik, he loves spending time together with Melinda, but at the same time he is afraid to tell her that he loves her.

Also, I'm not sure about the word lingonberry. I used a dictionary and that was what was used there. I have never heard that English word before. It is a small red berry that grows in the forest. In Swedish it is called "lingon" so I guess lingonberry is the right English word.


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